Title: Personal Assistant to Wendy Welding
Latest Performance Review: Dethany is a 27-year-old with an unconventional fashion sense who feels life is a fleeting, transitory stage which is too short to waste on work that isn’t one’s best. Smart, kind, helpful, motivated and resourceful, she explodes every preconception that her co-workers have about her.
Special talent: Exhuming computer files. She has a gift for locating anything missing in cyberspace.
Body art: Too numerous to mention. This space: describes the section of her that *isn’t* tattooed.
Pet peeve: That the cartoonist who draws the strip is too lazy to draw all those tats in panel after panel.
Constant companion: The raven Lenore. Lenore can’t actually be labelled a pet since Dethany doesn’t keep her in a cage. She’s free to come and go, constantly attracted by anything bright and sparkly (i.e., NOT employee morale).
Future headstone engraving: We all know where we’re going, so just enjoy the ride.
Title: Executive Assistant
Latest Performance Review: Wendy is the embattled yet optimistic aide to Fastrack, Inc.’s CEO. In this position she finds herself at the center of the company’s maelstrom of weirdness, trying to find a balance between home vs. career, parenthood vs. sleep, and corporate loyalty vs. the urge to hurl her laptop through a plate glass window.
Title: Tech drone
Latest Performance Review: Art’s major accomplishments in life are in winning the heart of his wife Wendy, and being a caring father to Rusty and Patina. Other than that, he toils contentedly in the Fastrack computer room year after year, free of ambition and its consequences.
Latest Performance Review: Ms Trellis is the cheerfully ruthless ruler of Fastrack, Inc., wielding power over the company with an iron hand, an
unbending will and the ever-present threat of sending the staff on yet another ‘team-building” retreat. A steadfast conservative, she’smarried to liberal corporate titan Thornton Saguaro.
Title: Information technology co-department head
Latest Performance Review: Bud runs the computer network of the company with his wife Chelonia. One-dimensionally brilliant, Bud is focused on tech issues to the exclusion of all humanity. The rest of the staff finds this reassuring since he has absolutely no interest in reading their Email.
Title: Security guard
Latest Performance Review: Excellent; especially considering that he divides his night watch duties with taking classes in computer defenses during the day. Although separated by their schedules, he and Dethany maintain a close relationship. He comes from a long time of law enforcement officers, and his father and uncles are mystified by his interest in tech.
Title: Accounting Executive
Latest Performance Review: A swirling black hole of negativity, sucking in the few random isolated shards of hope that somehow survive within Fastrack’swalls. Ms. Trellis finds Fi valuable as she is an expert with numbers, ruthless in enforcing efficient monetary practices, and despised by the rest of the staff to a degree that deflects criticism away from the CEO.
PERCY, THE COMPUTER BUG
Title: Online pest
Latest Performance Review: The bug is an immortal being (known to the ancient Greeks as Perses the titan god of destruction) whose role is simply to prevent anything from running smoothly. Thus, he’sthe only member of the cast to regularly experience career satisfaction.
Title: The Spelling Bee
Latest Performance Review: Overly enthusiastic to the point of annoyance. It’ difficult to criticize someone whose mistakes stem from trying too hard, so at the end of the day she’ a valuable coprolite…Uh, coworker.
Title: Cyberspace Superhero
Latest Performance Review: The 18-year-old daughter of Wendy and Art inhabits a virtual world that her parents are only dimly aware of. In this online universe she is the superhero “iPatina, bringing justice to the beleaguered citizenry of computer users around the globe.